Olympic Sports That Might Have Been

In the small percentage of Olympic events I've been able to catch, I have noticed a shortcoming among the sports. Where are all the events dedicated to those champions, those heroes, those people just crazy enough to experience it - - - PARENTS!!! In honor of my fellow moms and dads, I have compiled a list of the Olympic sports that should have been. Maybe next year, folks.

1. Baby Food Feeding - medals would be awarded for fewest spills onto the bib and effective dodging of sweet peas and carrots spit out of baby's mouth during the meal.
2. Diaper Wrestling - Points earned for fastest changing times, least number of wipes used, and (for boy contestants only) avoiding fountain-like expulsions when cold air contact is made (shout out to Lisa Wheeler for the heads-up on this one!)
3. The 9 Month Waddle - This one is for moms only (sorry, dads!). Expectant athletes race to see who can get to the freezer full of ice cream while demonstrating the best waddle walk. Disqualification for pushing, swearing, or falling over.
4. DWI - Driving With Infants - Participants must navigate through an obstacle course of traffic lights, stop signs, and drunk pedestrians WHILE blindfolded by a three year- old's hands, WHILE listening to "This Old Man, He Played One" at top volume, and WITH the added soundtrack of a screaming baby. Extra points awarded for successfully carrying on a conversation with your husband in the passenger seat.
5. Attitude Challenge - This event is not for the faint of heart. Athletes must be mentally prepared, armed with an arsenal of thought-out and age-appropriate responses, and blessed with the patience of a saint. In this event the contestants will be challenged by a toddler's cries of "But I wanted to pour my juice MYSELF!", "You're a MEAN MOMMY!", and the dreaded "NO!". Beginner level challenges will take place in the comfort of a home environment, but advanced level participants will compete in various public settings such as the grocery store and church lobby. Watch out, parents - this one is characterized by onlookers gaping at your discipline techniques and whispering, "Look at THAT lady's kids!"

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On second thought, maybe I'm GLAD these aren't Olympic sports! I'm tired already!

Love and miss everyone.